My evil twin emerges

Where do I even begin? I've been considering writing a blog about my experience with cancer for awhile now...for my own processing, to share it with family and friends, and to provide information to others in a similar position (as I've found so much help in other blogs myself). But finishing up work between a million and one hospital visits kept my brain's capacity maxed out while I also debated how wise it would be to put such personal information out on the internet in the first place. Now that treatment is potentially days away and we're all stuck in home isolation anyway due to Covid-19, I figured this would be a great use of my time and one of the few ways to share the experience with others.

So, how'd we get here? It all begins with my evil twin - the large lump on my neck that popped up right above my collarbone in early December 2019. For the first few weeks, I didn't worry about it too much and just waited for it to disappear. I figured it was nothing or maybe it could even be my twin like Aunt Voula's neck lump in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I was back home in the States for Christmas for two weeks anyway so there was no use worrying anyway. But the signs that it was more than just an innocent little lump were growing louder through the holidays.

The lump was (and still is) large, very stiff, and completely painless. It was pretty clearly swollen lymph nodes but I had no apparent cold or infection. I also began to develop sharp pain around the lump and in my chest whenever I drank any alcohol. After a sip or two of beer or wine, I'd just have this stabbing pain and extreme discomfort for an hour or so. It was rough but not enough to keep me from having a few drinks - it was the holidays! Apparently this is a tell-tale sign of Hodgkin's. In fact, it's such a random quirk that most doctors are also unaware of its connection. On top of this, I faced several nights that I couldn't sleep because my lower legs were so incredibly itchy. Little did I know at the time that all three of these things could be related. 

I set up a meeting with my huisarts (GP) for as soon as I made it back to Amsterdam and didn't worry about any of it in the meantime. Looking back, I'm blown away by how not worried I really was but I think some fear was in the back of my mind, especially considering a more-emotional-than-usual goodbye to my parents when they dropped me off at PHL airport. 

The Dutch healthcare system is notorious for a sort of laissez-faire approach to patient care. I mean if you go to your family doctor with some complaints, their likely prescription would be time and maybe paracetamol. Preventative medicine? No such thing. Well, I'm a little biased by stereotypes as I had limited experience here but I was still anxious going into my first appointment with the huisarts as to whether I'd be taken seriously or I'd need to fight for myself.  

On January 10, I went to the huisarts and these worries quickly washed away to make room for other ones. As I explained the situation and unbuttoned my blouse to show her my lump, her eyes just immediately widened. She directed me immediately to a neighborhood hospital for a neck ultrasound where I had a walk-in appointment that very day. Could this be way more serious than I was even taking it? Should I be more worried? What is going on?

And so began this journey! I'll save the diagnostics details for another post. For now, thank you for letting me ramble into the void.